By Chokee Slam
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Just look at the embarrassing results when multiple person signs go wrong:


Completely defeats the emphasis of signage. There were more than one caught during this event and I may as well list them all in order to make this plea to people who participate in Multiple People Signs (MPS), PLEASE keep it up because it's really amusing.




Other worthy signage spotted and eligible for the 'I Love Potato Salad' Award are:



'Ferb Head' was in actuality 'Ferb wants Head' but the word 'WANT' was barely visible, which of course brings to us the importance of consistency in the type of markers/ or poster paints you use. As for the 'GAY' reference to JJ, we do not in any means condone homophobia and believe that homophobes basically have a very unhealthy sense of self loathing but, we do have a sense of humor nevertheless, and it was funny.

OKAY, on with the show.

Headbangers and Taka Michinoku vs. Kaientai. Nothing much to say because nothing much happens with these guys except that Kaientai always loses.

Enter Sable in a sausage encasing unitard. She yabbers a bit, I can't recall. Then enter Vinnie Mac with Pat Patterson and Brisco, in which "Vinnie gets a standing BOOvation", says Jerry Lawler. Sable then leaves the ring, but not before Patterson gives her flat fanny a pat. She gives him a biotch slap and Patterson, enraged, grabs the microphone and screams, "I DARE HAVING A WOMAN SLAP ME!!!" (we all pause for thought, for some sense of understanding, for forgiveness of this atrocious act of defiling the English language) (we pause some more). We rewind the tape to make sure he didn’t say "WOMEN" instead of 'woman'. Whether he did or not, he still WON the 'Dean Malenko' award for most incoherent statement, absolutely NO CONTEST whatsoever!! We rewinded the tape a few more times just to get our kicks from this point.

Next enters Jeff Jarrett to go against Kenny Shamrock (with his upsettingly tight panties, though not entirely upsetting to some). Nothing much here either.

The Rock enters, DRENCHED already, (someone give him a BAN roll-on or something) VS. Dan Dan the Beast Severn. "Bohemian Rhapsody" runs through my mind when Dan enters the ring, I believe he IS Freddie Mercury on roids. It's like the Jim Morrison mystery.. is he (Freddie Mercury) really dead or not? Or the pressures of stardom was entirely cumbersome that he had to fake his death and take on a new identity?? I just continue to sing 'Oh Mama Mia, Mama Mia, let me go..'. This may have been the first time we've noticed the teeniness of Dan's feet. Dan is a bulky man, rather box shaped, which leads us to our little joke about his 'washing machine' shaped body. But it's entirely unbalanced by his, what looks like, size 4 feet. His load is a bit unbalanced.

(Dan, I respect you as a kick ass athlete, I've seen your UFC battles and I reckon I would be entirely suicidal to disrespect you. This is not really a diss but a rather demented form of admiration. You believe me, don't you??…. C.S.) (Yeah, he believes you, just like Kenny believes you... B.C.)

So, the Rock, drenched in the people's sweat, does this strange sideways bunny hop (hop hop hop to the left, then hop hop hop to the right) and is triumphant. We believe Dan doesn't really get many wins due to his unbalanced load. Or it could have been the bunny hop that utterly confused Dan and well….. at least WE were laughing.

X-PAC vs. Owen Hart. During X-Pac's entrance music, someone screams something in the intro… to me it could be his name. B.C. thinks it's 'LAST NIIIIIGHT' but I don't hear the 'IGHT' part at all.. it's more like 'It's PLAAAAAAAH' or perhaps 'IT'S PLAAAAAAAQUE!!' Plaque is a very serious bacterial problem and I'm sure he wants everyone to be aware of its dangers. Owen knew it as well.. he entered the ring with his face all scrunched up seemingly in disgust, aware of the dangers of Plaque. X-Pac unleashed his full crotch arsenal in this bout. The bronco move was screwed up though. Owen's head was too low on the bottom buckle, and even though X-pac motioned and screamed for Owen to SIT UP!!!, Owen didn't heed the command. Therefore it didn't look as illegal as it normally would have. This was the PG version of the Bronco move and perhaps could be shown on family channels. By the end of this match, both athletes were so worn out, sprawled on the canvas next to each other. They looked like they had sex.

Next, in walks New Age Outlaws with Gay Ass Billy Gunn (oh come on, the black mesh shirt and boy leg briefs!! That's such a dead giveaway!!) and Road Dogg vs. Midnight Express which consists of Hair Plugg Holly .. OH, I mean Spark Plugg Holly… and Bart Gunn. Midnight Express has the letters ME on their asses… ME BUTT. When did they become English? And Mr. Ass standing over Bart Gunn telling him to SUCK IT, is that not GAY? Mmm…. At one point, Chyna checks out Billy Gunn's shaved armpits and probably thinks, "Hell, you shave your pits girlie man, I don't even shave my pits. I pluck them out one by one…" Now, she's a tough gal.

Now it's the King of the Ring finales.. The Rock vs. Kenny Shamrock. Highlight (in our sick eyes) was when Rock had a headlock on Kenny and poor Kenny was crying, probably thinking, 'YOUR PITS!!!' Well, we know that Rock is a chronic sweater so we all should know that chronic B.O. accompanies sweating. (Unfortunately there is a percentage of this world that doesn't realize this or is entirely immune to the odors..) But in spite of the debilitating armpit whiff taken by Kenny, Kenny DOES win! A true man.

Now one of the best matches in HISTORY, yes, HISTORY. Mankind vs. Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match.. There's no way you can watch this one without flinching. Mankind takes a huge dump from the top of the 16 feet high cage (there were nine replays of this…) onto the announcer's table. Wait a minute, that sounded disgusting. Well, Mankind DOES wear a brown colored outfit and uh… alright, alright. He took a BIG FALL off the top of the cage. (Sorry, I guess I couldn't resist). UT basically pushed him off the cage and stood atop there for a bit while WWF people tended to Mankind, in what seemed like a REAL injury. UT was seemingly like, "Yo, they told me to throw you off, dude..". Even geezer Terry Funk helps out but instead is choke slammed OUT OF HIS SNEAKERS by the Undertaker. I hate it when that happens. Sneakers aren't cheap, you know. Especially the ones with the lights that go off when you step down…

But as Mankind is being wheeled away from the ring, some female in the audience screamed at the top of her lungs (we think she may have been mugged or she saw someone naked), and Mankind falls off the gurney and heads back to the ring to continue the match. During this match, he is dropped through the cage onto the mat, is slammed onto thousands of thumb tacks, PLUS this is the match where Mankind's tooth gets shoved into his nose… utterly insane. Yo Mankind, we're not worth it, dude!

OH, WET SPOT SIGHTING (on UT's butt).. just an oval blob shape. Nothing detailed, no marbelizing, not a rorschach test.. just oval. Other sightings include UNDERCLEAVAGE. The man's got cleavage.

This was such a phenomenal match, the audience was clapping and giving a standing ovation… if they said "ENCORE", I wouldn't know whether to laugh or bomb the arena. We are all a bunch of savages who find enjoyment in watching the destruction of fellow men and women (genuine or staged). I'm so ashamed of our breed.

Finally First Blood match between Kane and Stone Cold. First person who bleeds loses the match. A bloody nose, a nick, a scratch, those things do not count. BUT we ask, what if their nose got ripped right off.. or one of them had a hangnail or something.. and suppose two females had this type of match, if one of them was menstruating, would that count?? Anyways I doubt they would have women fight in this type of competition…

Austin came in with a huge bandaged elbow… the population's elbow, I think. It was huge.. infection, they said. After the Hell match, this was a little pale in comparison. But .. Austin bled first.. However, it's alittle hard to tell if someone is bleeding UNDER a mask. Eh? So the ref sees that Austin was bleeding, after Austin knocked the chair over Kane's noggin. It's funny when the winner is the one who is layed sprawled on the canvas by the end of the match. Doesn't look much like winning.. just sleeping..

Oh well… until next time… signing off.

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