September 28, 1998, Detroit

There were many various situations on this episode of Raw is War. The roster includes some WIDE-assed police people, long speeches, some signs worthy of the "I Love Potato Salad" award, a very serious injury, ZAMBONI!, and some good matches. The WWF has been providing some hearty entertainment lately and it is greatly appreciated. I would give up my potato salad to watch more good Raw programs. Here we go….

Vinnie Mac gives us a start with a long speech (they're always long). But during this time, we were able to notice some good signage:

It was beginning to elevate our humor (and this is a pretty easy thing to do).

New Age Outlaws vs. Southern Justice (with Jeff Jarrett in tow). Now Double J. Jeff Jarrett always has to carry a guitar out that has 'DON'T P*** ME OFF' on it. But we feel that any statement loses validity when letters get astericked. Now we understand that the WWF has to be careful with it's use of colorful language, for there are children with NO PARENTS in close proximity to them while viewing the program so we suggest the following phrases that wouldn't need astericks:

Okay, I'm stopping now because the list was getting a little ridiculous. However I know there are a few phrases listed that would require some hefty WWF conferences to determine if it's objectionable or not. But hell, if Vinnie Mac can say 'pussies', if Steve Austin can say 'ASS', 'bastard', 'damn', 'HELL', and HHH can say 'bitch', it probably wouldn't be long before they WILL spew forth words like 'tit', 'fargin' arsehole, 'suck my c*** …'. You get the idea.

P.S. Can someone tell Road Dog to STOP doing his dance moves before performing a wrestling move? I'm surprised someone doesn't POP him one for wasting time in the wrestling ring. BUT, credit is given where due, he can dance better than Shawn Michaels.

The New Age Outlaws angle is that Bad Ass Billy Gunn has a tiff with his fellow DX members. Jim Ross explains, "He's got to be physically and mentally exhausted from the LOAD he's carrying." The load in his pants, we ask?? (OH!, who said that?)

Next match is a serious one actually. Dan Dan the Beast Man Severn vs. Owen Hart. Dan actually got hurt on this one, with Owen's dreaded piledriver. Anyone can see that Dan's head was slammed to the mat. A pretty serious injury, I must say. But more controversial is, what is that bit of white material sticking out of Owen's bicycle shorts?? Bounty??

Vader vs. Al Snow. Vader has a pretty disturbing butt. Actually he has no butt, it's ALL back with a slit. (OH! I can't believe you went there! ... B.C.)

Edge, D'Lo Brown, Gangrel, Droz, Marc Mero and JJ Jarrett in an elimination match: Yo Gangrel, you with your blood (Kool Aid, corn syrup with red dye, whatever) all over your mouth and shirt. Though you're a vampire, it doesn't give you the excuse to have blood all your face. When we eat, we don't have food ALL over OUR faces!! Vampires should have some etiquette!

One of the highlights of this match however is when Marc Mero pulled his boxing shorts up to his nipples. If anyone has this episode taped, slo-mo on that segment, it's all the more funnier. The fact that Mero still looks like L'il Richard is pretty funny too but…

Signage spotted at this point: It says "HAJDU". To that, we say 'WHUHT are you saaaaaaaying???'

So eventually, Edge's new 'nemesis', that Sebastian Bach looking dude appears, distracts Edge, and D'Lo wins.

Vinnie Mac splays the ring with red carpetting, introduces Undertaker and Kane to the podium. The Undertaker struts to the ring, rolls his eyeballs to the back of his head (I get dizzy if I do this, he truly is a phenom!). Kane enters and after his signature move (where he raises his arms up and brings them down, causing the fire to erupt from all corners of the ring), the fire doesn't come out. The tech guy backstage screwed up. Though Glen Jacobs wears a mask, I can imagine the expression on his face. He was probably rolling his eyes to the back of his head. He was most likely muttering, 'Damn you all… you all suck… I can't work under these conditions …I'll be in my trailer' (meanwhile Undertaker is chuckling to himself)

Enter Steve Austin on a ZAMBONI (the wide-assed cops just couldn't even run along side this slow moving vehicle to stop him, eh?) and attacks Vince.

Cut to: Mark Henry vs. Farooq with Chyna refereeing. Like no one would know the outcome of this match. Someone hand delivers an AIRBORNE package to Chyna after the match and my issue on that is, the AIRBORNE package did NOT have an airbill! Come on, WWF, no loopholes in the storylines, please!

Kenny Shamrock is interviewed. Did anyone notice the gloves he had hanging around his neck?? The hand part was covering his nipple there. Now that's a very unique looking bra. (maybe he didn't want anyone inspecting his wayward nipples, I mean haven't you noticed they point in 2 different directions?... B.C.)

This is the moment in the program to let the tv viewers know that their viewing pleasure has been made possible by Starburst "Give a boost, give it some juice!" and Castrol Syntec "the active lubricant".

Another question: WHY is Val Venis being passed off as a sexy, attractive person?? He's REPULSIVE, balding, has toothpick legs and is just downright NOT attractive. Of course this is just our opinion. He goes up against X-Pac. Correct me if I'm wrong, Val Venis swaying his hips over a supine X-Pac seems kinda gay (at least in Marilyn Manson's definition of it). So, Terri Runnels (who is Venis' valet) interferes in the match and Chyna comes in and shoved her GOOD. "..almost shoves her to East Lansing," says Jerry Lawler. That was cool. But what is not cool is the return of Golddust. Dustin Runnel's gimmick should have been this: he turns his back on God and follows Marilyn Manson. That Golddust thing is pretty old and there's something really disturbing about the gold unitard. (next time we see Golddust, check out his thing... it's bizarre... B.C.)

Now it's nearing the finale. They show Kane and Undertaker walking around backstage in the arena. They do this a lot. They do this quite often that they even tend to wobble in synch. It's kinda cute sometimes. But.. do they just walk around before the match?? And why aren't there any deli trays with finger sandwiches (finger sandwiches to them is a hoagie to us) around to keep them content??

At this point, I came up with a great marketing idea. WWF can sell Candy Kanes!! Yes? Mm, back to the match.

SIGNAGE: now here's some advice for people who decide to have 'multiple person signs', meaning each person holds up A letter. This is the result when not EVERYONE cooperates:

To that, I say this is the end of my RAW report and I hope lessons were learned. Until next time… this is ChokeeSlam signing off.