By Chokee Slam (the artist formerly known as CiggiePak)
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October 5, 1998

It seems that the WWF is really placing that tongue firmly in cheek with this episode. It's pretty basic in the wrestling department, but hilarious in the storyline department. Have they no shame? Have they no dignity?? Of course not, that's why we are enjoying the WWF shows more and more!

X-Pac vs D'Lo. I don't know how many time they'll be fighting, it seems endless. D'lo enters the ring with the big, ugly and NOT the strongest man in the world, Mark Henry. Anyways, little X-Pac lost the belt. Gee, let the kid savor it a little, huh??

Flashes to Vince in the hospital with a blood pressure wrap still on his arm and oxygen tubes through his nose. All this for an ankle injury? Silly.

One of the Insane Clowns just got mugged by a headbanger One of the highlights of the evening was when the Headbangers beat up the Insane Clown Posse. GOOD! They're pretty annoying. Why don't they go on tour or something.


If this sign was spotted prior to the sighting of the ULTIMATE sign 'I like potato salad', I think it would have had a more powerful effect on us. But it can only play second fiddle to the champion. Otherwise it's still pretty silly.

Can someone tell that big Oddity to NOT wear striped pants with a tie dye shirt with the African skull cap? He's a fashion hazard. Call the fashion police. He's worse than wallpaper. And Violent Jay (of the Insane Clown Posse) can flash his arm tattoos as much as he would like. But someone needs to tell him that WE CAN'T MAKE OUT WHAT IT SAYS!! Old English Font used on tattoos barely work. It could say 'BUTTCRUST' for all we know.

At this point, we get to see one of the numerous 'flashback' clips when Vince was about to 'award' the WWF belt to either Undertaker or Kane. The good thing about flashbacks is that we tend to catch things we didn't notice before. Undertaker was standing in the ring, hand on hips, one leg slightly bent at the knee and COMPLETELY jutting his butt. I think he feels alittle inadequate in the butt department when he's standing next to Kane. After all, Kane has a red bodacious butt. ("I WANNA SQUEEZE 'EM!!" .. C.S.) (ever notice when Kane enters the ring, he steps over the top rope, and the top rope 'cradles' his butt. When he steps away, the rope bounces back with a sort of 'poink'?... B.C.)

Vinnie's got a sweet tooth! Mankind visits Vinnie Mac in the hospital and gives Vinnie some chocolate, balloons and introduces a lady clown who does a great trick with a dog. OH, and Mr. Socko. Silly. You writers are getting SOOOO silly!! I applaud you all.
Sable walks out for commentary. If anyone noticed and if anyone cares, she doesn't use contractions. Just DOES NOT, perhaps CAN NOT.

Vader enters with his Nanoo Nanoo hand greeting and with his mouth shaped like an inflatable doll's mouth. What's up with that? Vader fights against Mero. Mero 'urkelizes' his boxing shorts (which means he pulls them up to his nipples) and wins the match. I see the pattern here.

Oh and Jacqueline cuts off Sable's fake hair extension, the horse tail that doesn't even match the color of her own bleached hair. (OH! Who said that? ..C.S.) Gee, I guess it would be just too much of a pain for her make-up person to run down to the hair supply store and pick up another boxload of fake hair. Jackie cuts off the extension Sable's stylist worked so hard to attach.
Here comes the Chin… I mean Edge! But my, he does have a protruding chin but at least his simian like forehead takes the focus off his jutting chin. But then there's his ooga booga googly bug eyes which is emphasized with eyeliner. Make-over!!!
Edge was scheduled to fight Owen Hart, but Owen forfeits the match since they're working the angle where after he REALLY injured Dan Severn, he's overridden with guilt. Hey, Owen, you should feel guilty. THIRTEEN years in the biz and you're just a danger to everyone!! When you perform that piledriver, you're supposed to land on the mat, putting more of the weight on ONE leg.. meaning you kinda land sideways so that you don't actually let the guy's head in between your legs hit the mat. For cryin' loud. So, Owen leaves the arena with the same luggage cart that Billy Gunn had last week. The prop department has a limited supply. They spent most of their money on renting the zamboni, I think. GGRRRRRRR
Now comes the best match of the night (by our standards at least). Kane vs. Ken Shamrock! Before entering the aisle, Kaney almost couldn't find the slit in the curtain. It must be pretty difficult to see from that mask. This is why he's usually got his chin up, so he can try to get a good view from the eyeholes…
Enter Kenny Shamrock with his TIGHT panties. They're a wee bit tight, it creates a sort of 'popeye'-like bulging. So we call them his Popeye Panties.
Kane dominated most of this match, with Kenny splayed out on the mat most times, or crying (really, focus on the expression on his face, he's about to bawl). But Bostin Crab believes that Kenny was just letting Kane build up his confidence. I say if crying and lieing supine on the mat can build Kane's confidence, then OKAY!
At one point, Kenny tries the flying cross body block but Kane catches him in mid-flight (I love it when ANY wrestler does this), to which Kenny said "carry me??" but no, Kane carries no man. Kane let out a hearty 'RAAAAAARGH' though when he caught him. I must say that Kane excels in grunts, he's even better than the UT!

Other ways that Kenny built Kane's confidence up were: he let Kane pick him up by his FACE, he let Kane CLOTHESLINE him numerous times, he let Kane THINK that he was going to do the hurricanrana (oh geez... it's the frankensteiner for crying out loud!... B.C.) but allowed Kane to SLAM him to the mat instead, he let Kane know that he was crying (but this could also be because Kane had his crotch on Kenny's back.. some people may cry from this, but not THIS girl! OH! Who said that?). And I think in final desperation, Kenny had no choice but to USE his own body as the weapon, by throwing it towards Kane perpetually. Of course, Kane never hit the mat, but Kenny did. But that's just because he was letting Kane build up his confidence.

Kane, at one point, was performing the HEAD SQUEEZE maneuver on Kenny. A pretty horrid thought is if Kane squished Kenny's head like a zit, OH, there would have just been a mess. I think Kane may have thought he was helping Kenny by squeezing his zit for him but poor Kane didn't realize that it wasn't a ZIT, it was Kenny's HEAD.

(Chokee's message: Kenny, I like you…. Really I do.)

Then Undertaker comes out to take a closer look at Kenny's Popeye panties.. I mean, to take a better look at the match. Kane is about to climb the ropes, UT interferes, Kane crotch meets ropes, (OH NO, NOT THE FAMILY JEWELS!!!), and Kenny wins the match. Definitely a fun match.

Enter Terri Runnels with Val Venis. What's up with the wrist shaking that Val Venis does?? Does anyone remember the 80's band, The Time, and that dance they used to do called 'the Bird'?? (I think that's what it was called..) Well, Val is a dweeb anyway so anything else dweeby that he does can only dweebify his dweebocity even further. Eventually 'Movie Usher Guy' gives Venis a GOLD envelope, to which Venis opens it up and looks like he's about to scream, 'I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!!!!' ….. tsk tsk.

Al Snow vs. Jeff "Don't Pop Me One" Jarrett with Sgt. Slaughter in tow. If you look at Sgt. Slaughter's profile, it looks like someone punched his face in. All chin and all forehead.. barely a nose.

Paging Dr. Stone Cold... Dr. Stone Cold, please pick up the white courtesey phone! Then Vinnie Mac gets attacked by Stone Cold in the hospital room. This was basically hilarious… how convenient that a crash cart and the enema was there.. and a metal bed pan! Great foley, I have to say. And Lawler focusing on Vinnie's flash of the underwear. This was a priceless segment.
The People's Stone (the Rock) vs. Undertaker. We seem to notice these inane little details… the Rock's nipples. They're .. saggy. It's like some little kids were swinging from his nipples and stretched them out a bit and they just never got firm again. The proof is in the nipples.
OH, and WET SPOT SIGHTING! Two of them even! One was by the crack (it looks like a dog sitting on its hind legs… C.S.) (it's a bell… B.C.) and the other one was just a small indistinguishable spot left of the crack. Eventually D'Lo and Mark Henry enter and then Kaney, who SORT of frightens them away…

When the Rock starts in with his onslaught, his leg tends to spaz out a bit. We call this the Jimmy leg.. or rather, the People's Jimmy Leg.

There were a few good camera shots of Kane's exposed arm (BEEF) and a side shot of his chest (BREAST). Those have to be a C cup easy… Also some shots of Kane just standing by the ring and you can see some movement under the mask. I think he was quivering his bottom lip OR just making faces to the Undertaker saying, 'aw, look at choo and your gloominess, PHHT… aw, you can’t even do that move right Mr. Night Person…and quit covering your opponent by smothering him with your crotch, what's wrong wid choo'

The Undertaker has a size 14 shoe?? WOOF. Those are clown shoes for average sized people. Or the shoe size for Sable. (OH!) (that's nothing, have you ever seen her hands?!?... B.C.)

Before the Rock was going to perform the People's Elbow, I swear Jim Ross said, "The Rock is looking for the homo." ??????????????????? I guess I won't go there….

So the Undertaker won this match anyways even though Kane gave the UT a chair to the back. I'd much rather have Kane and UT still together as a team. I mean who else wobbles in synch as good as they do? It'd be good to show some typical family strife, teach the kids about family ties in spite of the fact that you want to dump your sibling's head in the broiler. It's about love….

And looking for the homo.. (???) Until next time…. This is Chokee Slam signing off.

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