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By Chokee Slam (the artist formerly known as CiggiePak)
October 5,
1998
It seems that the WWF is really placing that tongue
firmly in cheek with this episode. It's pretty basic in the wrestling department, but
hilarious in the storyline department. Have they no shame? Have they no dignity?? Of
course not, that's why we are enjoying the WWF shows more and more!
X-Pac vs D'Lo. I don't know how many time they'll be
fighting, it seems endless. D'lo enters the ring with the big, ugly and NOT the strongest
man in the world, Mark Henry. Anyways, little X-Pac lost the belt. Gee, let the kid savor
it a little, huh??
Flashes to Vince in the hospital with a blood
pressure wrap still on his arm and oxygen tubes through his nose. All this for an ankle
injury? Silly.
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One of the highlights of the evening was when the
Headbangers beat up the Insane Clown Posse. GOOD! They're pretty annoying. Why don't they
go on tour or something. |
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| Signage! If this sign was spotted prior to the
sighting of the ULTIMATE sign 'I like potato salad', I think it would have had a more
powerful effect on us. But it can only play second fiddle to the champion. Otherwise it's
still pretty silly.
Can someone tell that big Oddity to NOT wear striped
pants with a tie dye shirt with the African skull cap? He's a fashion hazard. Call the
fashion police. He's worse than wallpaper. And Violent Jay (of the Insane Clown Posse) can
flash his arm tattoos as much as he would like. But someone needs to tell him that WE
CAN'T MAKE OUT WHAT IT SAYS!! Old English Font used on tattoos barely work. It could say
'BUTTCRUST' for all we know.
At this point, we get to see one of the numerous
'flashback' clips when Vince was about to 'award' the WWF belt to either Undertaker or
Kane. The good thing about flashbacks is that we tend to catch things we didn't notice
before. Undertaker was standing in the ring, hand on hips, one leg slightly bent at the
knee and COMPLETELY jutting his butt. I think he feels alittle inadequate in the butt
department when he's standing next to Kane. After all, Kane has a red bodacious butt.
("I WANNA SQUEEZE 'EM!!" .. C.S.) (ever notice when Kane enters the ring, he steps over the top rope, and
the top rope 'cradles' his butt. When he steps away, the rope bounces back with a sort of
'poink'?... B.C.) |
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Mankind visits Vinnie Mac in the hospital and gives
Vinnie some chocolate, balloons and introduces a lady clown who does a great trick with a
dog. OH, and Mr. Socko. Silly. You writers are getting SOOOO silly!! I applaud you all. |
| Sable walks out for commentary. If
anyone noticed and if anyone cares, she doesn't use contractions. Just DOES NOT, perhaps
CAN NOT. Vader enters with his Nanoo Nanoo
hand greeting and with his mouth shaped like an inflatable doll's mouth. What's up with
that? Vader fights against Mero. Mero 'urkelizes' his boxing shorts (which means he pulls
them up to his nipples) and wins the match. I see the pattern here. |
| Oh and Jacqueline cuts off Sable's fake hair
extension, the horse tail that doesn't even match the color of her own bleached hair. (OH!
Who said that? ..C.S.) Gee, I guess it would be just too much of a pain for her make-up
person to run down to the hair supply store and pick up another boxload of fake hair. |
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| Here comes the Chin… I mean Edge!
But my, he does have a protruding chin but at least his simian like forehead takes the
focus off his jutting chin. But then there's his ooga booga googly bug eyes which is
emphasized with eyeliner. Make-over!!! |
| Edge was scheduled to fight Owen Hart, but Owen
forfeits the match since they're working the angle where after he REALLY injured Dan
Severn, he's overridden with guilt. Hey, Owen, you should feel guilty. THIRTEEN
years in the biz and you're just a danger to everyone!! When you perform that piledriver,
you're supposed to land on the mat, putting more of the weight on ONE leg.. meaning you
kinda land sideways so that you don't actually let the guy's head in between your legs hit
the mat. For cryin' loud. So, Owen leaves the arena with the same luggage cart that Billy
Gunn had last week. The prop department has a limited supply. They spent most of their
money on renting the zamboni, I think. |
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| Now comes the best match of the night
(by our standards at least). Kane vs. Ken Shamrock! Before entering the aisle, Kaney
almost couldn't find the slit in the curtain. It must be pretty difficult to see from that
mask. This is why he's usually got his chin up, so he can try to get a good view from the
eyeholes… |
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Enter Kenny Shamrock with his TIGHT panties.
They're a wee bit tight, it creates a sort of 'popeye'-like bulging. So we call them his
Popeye Panties. |
| Kane dominated most of this match, with Kenny
splayed out on the mat most times, or crying (really, focus on the expression on his face,
he's about to bawl). But Bostin Crab believes that Kenny was just letting Kane build up
his confidence. I say if crying and lieing supine on the mat can build Kane's confidence,
then OKAY! |
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| At one point, Kenny tries the flying
cross body block but Kane catches him in mid-flight (I love it when ANY wrestler does
this), to which Kenny said "carry me??" but no, Kane carries no man. Kane let
out a hearty 'RAAAAAARGH' though when he caught him. I must say that Kane excels in
grunts, he's even better than the UT! Other
ways that Kenny built Kane's confidence up were: he let Kane pick him up by his FACE, he
let Kane CLOTHESLINE him numerous times, he let Kane THINK that he was going to do the
hurricanrana (oh geez... it's the frankensteiner for crying out loud!... B.C.) but
allowed Kane to SLAM him to the mat instead, he let Kane know that he was crying (but this
could also be because Kane had his crotch on Kenny's back.. some people may cry from this,
but not THIS girl! OH! Who said that?). And I think in final desperation, Kenny had no
choice but to USE his own body as the weapon, by throwing it towards Kane perpetually. Of
course, Kane never hit the mat, but Kenny did. But that's just because he was letting Kane
build up his confidence.
Kane, at one point, was performing the HEAD SQUEEZE
maneuver on Kenny. A pretty horrid thought is if Kane squished Kenny's head like a zit,
OH, there would have just been a mess. I think Kane may have thought he was helping Kenny
by squeezing his zit for him but poor Kane didn't realize that it wasn't a ZIT, it was
Kenny's HEAD.
(Chokee's message: Kenny, I like you…. Really I
do.)
Then Undertaker comes out to take a closer look at
Kenny's Popeye panties.. I mean, to take a better look at the match. Kane is about to
climb the ropes, UT interferes, Kane crotch meets ropes, (OH NO, NOT THE FAMILY
JEWELS!!!), and Kenny wins the match. Definitely a fun match.
Enter Terri Runnels with Val Venis. What's up with
the wrist shaking that Val Venis does?? Does anyone remember the 80's band, The Time, and
that dance they used to do called 'the Bird'?? (I think that's what it was called..) Well,
Val is a dweeb anyway so anything else dweeby that he does can only dweebify his
dweebocity even further. Eventually 'Movie Usher Guy' gives Venis a GOLD envelope, to
which Venis opens it up and looks like he's about to scream, 'I NEVER LEARNED TO READ!!!!'
….. tsk tsk.
Al Snow vs. Jeff "Don't Pop Me One"
Jarrett with Sgt. Slaughter in tow. If you look at Sgt. Slaughter's profile, it looks like
someone punched his face in. All chin and all forehead.. barely a nose. |
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Then Vinnie Mac gets attacked by Stone Cold in the
hospital room. This was basically hilarious… how convenient that a crash cart and the
enema was there.. and a metal bed pan! Great foley, I have to say. And Lawler focusing on
Vinnie's flash of the underwear. This was a priceless segment. |
| The People's Stone (the Rock) vs. Undertaker. We
seem to notice these inane little details… the Rock's nipples. They're .. saggy. It's
like some little kids were swinging from his nipples and stretched them out a bit and they
just never got firm again. |
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| OH, and WET SPOT SIGHTING! Two of them
even! One was by the crack (it looks like a dog sitting on its hind legs… C.S.)
(it's a bell… B.C.) and the other one was just a small indistinguishable spot
left of the crack. Eventually D'Lo and Mark Henry enter and then Kaney, who SORT of
frightens them away… When the Rock
starts in with his onslaught, his leg tends to spaz out a bit. We call this the Jimmy
leg.. or rather, the People's Jimmy Leg.
There were a few good camera shots of Kane's exposed
arm (BEEF) and a side shot of his chest (BREAST). Those have to be a C cup easy… Also
some shots of Kane just standing by the ring and you can see some movement under the mask.
I think he was quivering his bottom lip OR just making faces to the Undertaker saying,
'aw, look at choo and your gloominess, PHHT… aw, you can’t even do that move
right Mr. Night Person…and quit covering your opponent by smothering him with your
crotch, what's wrong wid choo'
The Undertaker has a size 14 shoe?? WOOF. Those are
clown shoes for average sized people. Or the shoe size for Sable. (OH!) (that's
nothing, have you ever seen her hands?!?... B.C.)
Before the Rock was going to perform the People's
Elbow, I swear Jim Ross said, "The Rock is looking for the homo."
??????????????????? I guess I won't go there….
So the Undertaker won this match anyways even though
Kane gave the UT a chair to the back. I'd much rather have Kane and UT still together as a
team. I mean who else wobbles in synch as good as they do? It'd be good to show some
typical family strife, teach the kids about family ties in spite of the fact that you want
to dump your sibling's head in the broiler. It's about love….
And looking for the homo.. (???) Until next
time…. This is Chokee Slam signing off.
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