Again with the KY.
The Mini-Corp enter. HHH is wheeling Vinnie down the ramp oh so slowly which of course leaves us wondering why he doesn't let Vinnie take the express route and just let go. He'll get down there much faster so he can have more time to yap.
Vinnie says that if Steve shows up, everyone can use their camera and take a picture of him. I figure that's what people do when they have cameras anyways, but, go on, Vince. Ah, it's because he believes that this will be the last time Steve will have an appearance on Raw.
OH say not SO! You know, we're really worried. We can't fathom the idea of Stevie NOT being on prime time ever again. Will you stick him in Super Astros or something? Heaven forbid, Stevie doesn't do top rop maneuvers. He's definitely a bottom rope type of dude. Actually a mat hugger type of dude. It's the jelly roll that keeps him anchored. Just kidding.
Anyways, Vinnie says it's not himself putting his career on the line, it's UT putting his career on the line. UT takes the mic, says, 'You need to back up here...' Why, was Vince's wheelchair on your toe? (I don't think there's a 'reverse' on his wheelchair... BC)
UT then leans into Vinnie for a face to face confrontation (practically nose to nose) and perhaps bellowed, 'IT WAS YOU, WASN'T IT!!! YOU FARTED!!!' No no, he didn't say that but UT was so close to Vinnie that I'm sure UT's voice echoed in that chasm which is Vinnie's cleft.
HHH protects Vinnie however and wants the shot at Austin on the PPV. By this point, we see that Boss Man is very excited with how the storyline is turning out because he's holding and shaking his stick. You wanna put that away BB? Don't want you poking anyone's eye out.
So.. to determine who will wrestle Austin at the PPV, there will be a match between HHH and UT on this Raw. Cue in Stevie and the blood mobile. Yes, Steve has comandeered yet another vehicle. We always believed that Stevie could drive just about anything. Hell, he drove his wife away.
Backstage footage of HHH, Shane and Vinnie in a room. HHH promises that he will look after Vinnie. He says, 'You take care of me and I'll take care of you.' JR's voice-over asks, 'What does that mean?' Mm.. correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not positively sure but it might mean that if Vinnie takes care of HHH, then HHH will take care of Vince. I had to read between the lines but I think that's definitely, positively, ostensibly what he might mean.
Your welcome, I'm glad to be of service.
Dogg vs. Chyna in a dog collar match. Dogg does his speech. These days, he alters the speech but for some reason, the audience STILL attempts to repeat after him. You all better call your psychic friend's hotline to find out what he'll say next. Sadly enough, people still can't even follow along with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages.' They just look like muppets with their mouths opening and closing.
I got two words for you all. GIVE UP.
X-Pac makes the save and I'm sure he just told Dogg, 'How many times do I have to tell you NOT to have the collar on before the match even starts. It's like having your own customized noose for your hanging, you dolt.'
Shane McMahon with the Posse enter the ring. The camera is on Shane but a mysterious frog traversed past the screen. Alright, it was just Pete Frog. Ribbit. Shane calls Stephanie out to apologize to her.
Backstage Testes is telling Stephanie not to go out there by herself. Aw, that's really sweet. (Didn't he say, 'Don't go OOT there' ??...BC) She insists however, that she will be fine. Testes gives it a last chance, 'Don't go.' He really meant to say, 'Don't go out there wearing those SHOES!! It'll mean the destruction of innocent lives!!'
Yes, that was immature and overly fashion conscious.
Shane tells Stephanie that it's all Testes' fault and 'Test(es) has been screwing everything up..' Nah, he's just screwing. Stephanie and the pretty boys in the locker room should know.
Oh dip. Sorry.
Abs tells Steph, 'Ah am willing to take you back..' AH am?!! Yes, he's definitely from Greenwich. Greenwich, Texas perhaps. Anyways she slaps him and vamooses. Good, you go girl.
Venis and Godfather. JR says Godfather is from the Red Light District. Geez, I can't imagine any cars reaching their destinations in that district.
The camera cuts back to the ring and DAMN, there's a hoard of wrestlers in the ring. They've multiplied. They're like roaches! Actually, it's a 4-way tag match with Hard Boys vs Acolytes vs Droz and his Rug vs Venis and Godfather.
Oh, the Hard Boys won. They're a HARD team to beat. Sorry.
GTV segment with the cast from Mystery Men. They should have changed this segment to 'Shameless Plug for Mystery Men'. (Then it would be SPMM-TV... BC)
Oh, it's Jarrett vs. Christian. Christian has this weird way of walking down the ramp. He does this faster version of a 50's type of line dancing. He walks down the ramp, facing the left side of the audience, then he keeps walking and then faces the right side of the audience. I guess it's better than skipping down the ramp while holding Gangrel's hand or something. Just his hand, though, it wouldn't be attached to the rest of his body.
Jarrett wins this match, the lights go out and he gets a blood bath. The blood bath gimmick is wearing thin. (They should try for a snot bath!.... BC) Yeh sure, about 5 people with really nasty colds can run in and blow their secretions on the unsuspecting victim via the 'one finger pressed against one nostril' method.
As Jarrett is drenched in Kool-Aid (aw come on, we all know you poured it on yourself), Edge walks in, ACTING confused. 'Say, did anyone see this Big Bucket O'Blood, it seems to be missing.. uh.. oooh, good look for you, Carrie.' Jarrett of course, beats up on Edge.
Backstage, Jarrett had passed by Red Taylor Rooster, who was just standing there holding the mic. Jarrett yabbers and I'm sure Rooster recalled that part of his hair was the color of Jarrett some years ago. Wow, Red Rooster was a horrible character. I swear, I think he used to get in the ring, jut his ass out and cluck.
Rock calls out the Butt. He says he will take a thermometer and shove it up Butt's candy ass. This unhealthy obsession with sticking thing into people's butts really should be put to an end. Psychologically speaking, you may be substituting inanimate objects for your own penis.
SORRY! Oh, perversion is the root of all evil.
Al Snow comes out on the ramp. Yo dude, your knee pad is around your ankle. Do you wear your sock on your winky? Your panty on your head? Ah, forget it. Al is feeling mighty disturbed since Prince Body Rug pierced Head. Poor guy.
Al vs. Boss Man. HEY, they gave Boss Man his old music back. Good, Night Ranger shouldn't have FULL control of the music in the WWF. Al yells at Bossy to hit him, 'HIT ME!! HIT ME!!! COME ON! HIT ME!!!!' Boss Man hit him. Al probably couldn't believe that Boss hit him. Boss then handcuffs Al to the rope.
Anyways, Bostin is okay with anything that Al does though. If he had chronic diarrhea (coming out of his mouth even), I'm sure she'd still think he's cute. I understand.
Edge comes in from the audience sections while JR is wondering why Vinnie was alone in the room. He figures that HHH was in the bathroom brushing his nice hair. Hell no, he was most likely curling it.
Edge's partner is to be D'lo. Edge is kneeling in the ring and watches D'lo walk by him. 'Hi, D'lo! I got this game of jacks set up here, let's play!' No way dude, it's marbles.. or the highway.
They go against Mideon and Gangrel. The camera is constantly taking close-up shots of Gangrel. We, again, are unable to display the images here for fear of the unnecessary deaths of those who set their eyes on it. Anyways, after the Gangrel close-up, Jerry asked, 'Does Gangrel have his tongue pierced??' HEY JERRY, are you new???
Edge and D'lo won.
Testes vs.... hey, a new wrestler! Just kidding, it's Blackman, who always carries a duffel bag with him to the ring. The ring is an inappropiate place to bring your laundry (unless you're wrestling against those with washing machine shaped bodies, i.e Dan Severn, Dr. Death..). Eventually the Posse runs in to beat up on Testes. At least that is their intent but they always just manage to hit each other. Joey Abs always gets a really good shot on the Frizz-Ease Challenged Rodney. (Who's Rodney?? The Frog??? ...BC) Kenny runs in to save though. How nice.
X is sort of like those stress toys where if you squeeze it, the ears, eyes and tongue pop out. Hey, new marketing idea! The X-Pac stress toy! It should be inflatable.
OH dip. Sorry.
UT is using the steel steps on Wight and Holly and JR yells, 'STOP THAT!' You tell them, JR!! Take their hands and slap them also.
UT and Kane start walking away but Kane turns back and goes to the fallen X. UT turns around, 'Honey? Honey? Where are you going?? Why are you going back to that little squirt? I told you I don't like threesomes. I don't like little guys, I like big red dudes with one exposed nipple under a mesh shirt..'
Kane leans over X to find out if he's alright. 'Are you okay?? I go get a band-aid. You want me to call 911? I go and get the French doctor. He's French you know.' X is probably moaning, 'Damn, his hands were cold..'
UT tries to pull Kane away, telling him it's over but just when they were about to leave, the replay of UT chokeslamming X is played on the Titantron. HEY, who is operating the Titantron? I sense SABOTAGE!! UT slowly turns around to face Kane and many thoughts must have passed through his mind, 'Oh dip... how am I going to explain this... think fast dead man...uuuh.. it's a new Heimlich maneuver.. new mating ritual.. no.. that's not good..' but Kane already chokeslams him by the time his thoughts reached, 'Oh dip..'
Kane carried X out of the ring over his shoulder. X realizes that Kane saved him and is overcome with emotion. His bottom lip quivers while UT's big head is displayed on the Titantron behind him looking like he'll snort X up in one quick, extreme sniff. But X throws his arms around Kane and hugs him real good.
Kane must have been pretty shocked at this display of emotion. 'Yo man, we're MEN! People are watching! HEY DUDE! I'M A DUDE!!'
Anyways, JR believes that Austin will make his appearance eventually. He says, 'I'm a believer..' Ah.. then I saw her face, I'm a believer, not a trace... of doubt in my mind.. I'm in love ..MMMMM... I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her, if I tried..
Sorry. Monkees was part of my decadent upbringing. Pleasant Valley Sunday was a song of utmost chaos.
UT and Stevie take their little battle towards the blood mobile. UT then rips Austin's shirt off! HEY, what do you think you're doing??! That's perverted!! And why wasn't I invited???!
Oh, UT just uses the shirt to strangle Austin. Whoo.. had me worried there. I thought something very wrong was going to occur.
Stevie eventually throws UT into the blood mobile and heads for Vinnie. Steve gets in the ring first. I don't know but I think you'll get to Vinnie faster if you walked around ringside, dude. Dumb redneck.