Flashbacks of Summerslam.. but you guys neglected to show the true story which was the life and death struggle that Steve Austin's leg had with the ropes. The cameramen were generous and merciful for some reason but the audience? No way, they laughed AND pointed at him.
They show Austin getting hurt by HHH after the match. Oh, Steve is hurt alright.. his PRIDE, that is. His pride was so maimed and will never, ever recover.
Jim Ross calls out the NEW WWF champ, Mankind, but HHH probably ran right past Mick backstage to get out first. HHH starts his bickering, 'I've been screwed a million times..' and I'm sure he liked it. I'm sure he'd like to be screwed a million more times.
HHH then puts JR in an arm lock which forces Mick out and to grant him the title bout. Why bother with a bout and go for the gusto? Go straight ahead and demand that Mick give you the belt. What's wrong with you? Don't you know how to bargain? Do you demand a mortgage as opposed to a ransom? What the hell?
Mick agrees to the match but HHH 'breaks' JR's arm and the foley of celery sticks crunching is inserted. That was really horrible, guys. You should start inserting foley of punching pillows when wrestlers hit each other. Anyways, JR was able to contort himself in a way that it looked a little convincing. But hey.. that wouldn't be a nice thing to do. At least this gave JR the night off. Maybe he had to do further taste tests of his BBQ sauce.
The always classic facial expression on a line-up is, 'if I don't move, maybe they won't recognize me.' However, if you're covered with that blue paint, I'd say your chances of non-detection are pretty slim then. I could be wrong but..
Cole replaces JR in the commentator spot and the skies turned black, peasants in villages are screaming bloody fear, natural disasters suddenly take over the Earth, power outages all over.... sigh.
Anyways, Al is then attacked by Boss Man, who then kidnaps Pepper and Jericho and Dogg are battling it out backstage. Before being swung into the fence by Dogg, Jericho let out a good high pitched scream (aw, Jericho's got little voice). Boss then puts Pepper in his car and drives off, as Al is giving chase behind him like the Terminator 2000. It was total anarchy.
I'm sure Kane was saying, 'Look, I'm walking here.. I'm trying to be cool and you're aiming to roll on me or something, aren't you. You're fixin' to embarrass me.' Eventually X decides to walk in front of Kane so that if X tripped, Kane would have the option of walking over his body or falling and rolling all over him in an unflattering manner. At least that way, Kane has a choice.
Acolytes vs. Show/ UT.
Ooh, I love devil dogs. A little dry but still yummy.
Eventually Show chokeslams X and Kane is getting beat up on the outside by UT and Mr. Simmons. I wonder where Bradshaw went. He ran straight for what was important to him.. the deli trays. He's got to keep that womanly figure, you know.
Anyways, poor X is beaten in the ring, 'Oh well.. all in a day's work.' Kane gets in the ring, stands over him like, 'I can't believe you got your ass kicked again! You love being horizontal, don't you??'
Backstage, Testes is with Stephanie. I guess he's trying to shmooze and woo her, since the following caps exhibit that his woo-ing techniques are on full force. They are on dork level 2000.
Spoof of the Blair Witch Project performed by Blue Meanie and Stevie Richards, titled The Legend of Blond Bytch. You guys are silly, how could you. WE would never think about doing things like that, making a mockery of something.... anything!
Testes says, ' There comes a time when a man has to ask a question...' (Like, 'Am I gay?' and 'Why do I wear women's underwear?'... BC) Stephanie comes to the ring, perhaps to ask, 'Yeah, why are you wearing my underwear??' Shane runs in (in about 2 seconds flat, that boy can really run) but he can't stop the two lovebirds. Well, the lovebunny and the chick.
Testes proposes to her and she says she has to think about it but she says, 'I love you, Andrew..' Hey, who is this Andrew person?? I think Testes better find that dude and beat the crap out of him too. If you don't know how to do it, ask Steve Austin.
Jarrett, Debra and Mark Henry enter the ring. You know, the make-up crew gives Debra more and more hair every week. If you guys don't stop, she'll soon have a hair explosion on her head and birds will find it adequate to nest in there. Jarrett gives Henry the European belt but Henry couldn't even fit it around his waist. Then Jarrett has a gift for Debra. Jerry Lawler's girlfriend! Did you ask Jerry if that was alright??
Oh, her name is Miss Kitty. She's like the mini-me version of Debra. This is getting scary. Actually they should have just called her Miss Donut since her eyes were soooo glazed over. 'Where am I?? Who am I?? What am I??'
It's supposed to be Jarrett vs. Meat (someone ought to give Meat some more hair and some good looks too) but D'lo is tenderizing Meat backstage. Meat attempts to get away, 'Hey, let me crawl out of here with dignity, huh??' Nah, why should he?
D'lo comes out to wrestle Henry but alas, interference by Jarrett keeps the belt around Henry's... uh.. on Henry's shoulder. He should wrap it around his neck instead. That would be a perfect fit, I'm sure.
Oh by the way, Jarrett had put up an open invitation for wrestlers to sign up for a shot at his IC belt. Backstage, Butt is looking for a pen and tells Chyna to make sure no one signs up. Silly girl pulls out a pen from her bra (I wonder what else she's got in there.. tape dispenser, stapler remover...) and signs herself up.
Rock vs. Gangrel accompanied by his hard boys. Before they flounced down the ramp, I think I heard Gangrel say to them, 'Come on boys...' (in the gayest manner possible, that is). The Fair Hard Boy's arm warmers have holes in them now. Has Gangrel been chewing on you now?? He probably took his arm and said, 'Oh, cara mia..' and started feasting. By the way, Hardy Boys shirt color update. Blond Hardy is Grape and the Dark Hardy is Licorice. Yummy.
Backstage Kevin Kelly interviews Tori. As soon as she spoke, the 'Man-Voice' radars went off. Alert, alert, man voice!
Finkel runs in to the Ultimate Warrior's music. Still there's nothing he can do to camouflage his 'announcer's' voice. Go on, Guy Smiley. He calls out Road Dogg who says, 'Surely you must be joking.' Fink should have replied, 'I'm not joking and don't call me Shirley..' I reckon the movie Airplane was also a big staple in our sarcastic lives. Then the lights go out and in comes Jericho. He's at least starting to perform some wrestling moves. He powerslams Dogg, then tells Dogg to hold onto his wrists as he lifts Dogg up and re-delivers the power slam. You strong! I go tell my mother.
Crash Holly vs. Holly. For some reason, I thought they announced 'Crack Holly' instead of 'Crash Holly'. He really should be named Mini Holly. I'll call him that from now on. Eventually they take their battle to the back as well. As they get banged around on the doors, we figure that Mr. Simmons, with a towel on his head, should have poked his head out and say, 'Who da hell is knocking on my door? I'm trying to shower..'
UT talks about the Acolytes and how he brought them 'to the dance and they forgot about that'. Hey UT, I've seen you perform the Dark Lord of Dance. Dancing with you is probably something they blocked out of their minds, I'm sure. Besides, they probably just didn't know how to dance. Perhaps they should try clog dancing. Anyone see the Folgers commercial with some chick clog dancing?? Her feet are a spastic blur.. she really should stop drinking the Folgers. (She really should do the clog dancing with sneakers... I'd hate to be her downstairs neighbor...BC)
The Acolytes then interfere in the match and X loses the match.... AGAIN. Kane is getting a little tired of this it seems. He stands above X, 'You did it again, didn't you.. you lose the match EV-EH-REE single time... I get the feeling that I'm doing all the work here.'
Billy Butt enters the ring. We hear something new in his entrance theme music. He likes to buff em?? Well, wax on, wax off, butt boy. What a disturbing entrance theme music. Then again, Butt and his girlie accessories are pretty disturbing. He calls Chyna out and says, 'There's a misunderstanding between you and I.' No, more like there's a misunderstanding between you and your girlie choker accessory there. You are misunderstanding the fact that it's a girl accessory.
Jarrett then runs in to clock Chyna with the guitar.. okay, he guitars Chyna and then Butt guitars Jarrett.
Rock is doing commentary and Shane is special ref for the Mankind vs. HHH match.
Just when it seemed HHH was going to succumb to the sock, Chyna runs in... and gets the sock in her mouth also. There, good thing she was there to save the match.
With the assistance of Chair, HHH becomes the WWF champ. As if that belt really means much anymore. Well, in the least it can hold up your pants. In the case of Mark Henry, it can hold his .. head up.
This is Chokee.. we had a really LONG ECW night and I'm tired.