Npdypm......... hmffrff.. Sorry, my hands were not alligned correctly with the keyboard.
Rock enters and the chick announcer says, 'ZAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAACK!!!!' She's good. Well then, HAZAR to you!
Rock spews the typical speech, starting with an extra touch of phlegm when he says, 'Finally...' He sounds like a she-male, or Marge Simpson's sisters. Remember when they said, 'kootchie kootchie koo..'?
By the way, Shane beat Mankind on the last Smackdown show and he now professes himself the King of Hardcore. It was a pretty good leap you took at Summerslam but you've got a long way to go before you can surpass Mankind. In the least, you need to dislocate something. (Not just your car keys... BC)
Shane challenges Mankind to take on all his Pips in a handicap match. Mick accepts and Shane is the special ref. I tell ya, some people can set up whatever match they'd like and throw in any stipulation. You just have to play along with it. It's very much like life, huh? You just have to learn how to deal with it, right?? Unless you're a sniveling, spoiled, unstable, insecure yet EGOTISTICAL (ego is needed only to cover up the insecurities and shortcomings), completely DEPENDANT, hypocritical brat who cannot handle life as it comes and needs to have the umbilical chord constantly attached to SOMEONE.
And as Austin says, that's all I'se got to say about that..
Oh wait, there's something else I'se got to say about that. Die, you worthless waste of air.
Okay, I move on (unlike some people, I can move on).
Many items are used in this match, including really flimsy looking garbage cans. Shane takes them and throws them out of the ring. I bet they just collapsed and folded in like an accordian. Of course, HHH runs in to interfere. He gets in the ring and he's ready... to get knocked down by Mick. HHH is UP again and Mick hits him again. UP again! And down again. UP! Down. UP! Hey, will you make up your mind?
Oh, Mankind loses the match.
Cole interviews UT, Big Show and Bearer. UT talks about Rock's cakehole. What's the difference between a cakehole and a piehole, I ask. Is it just ... creamier? Fluffier?? Cakier?? Moister?? (There's pudding in the mix... BC) Has anyone experienced the 'Two Pieholes Going at the Same Time' dilemma? It usually result from stomach viruses, bad foods or looking at Big Show's Big Shlong.
Anyways, they go to the ring and UT speaks. This is always.. an experience. He says, 'I've been thinking about this... (pause) .. and no way...(pause).... no how .. has the Rock earned... (pause) (is he getting paid by the hour?).. (oh, at this point, his tongue fumbles).. theeeeeee (that wavers) respect... or is entitled .... for me to beat.. (long pause)... his stupid ... (he takes 3 paces here, THREE (!!) paces!) .... stand-up comedic routine... (paaaause)... ass... . rightheretonighttonightsoBigShowyou'regonnadoit.' Whoa, was that a sneeze at the end there?
Undertaker ... flab rolleth .. over.. PEPSI.. (sorry, I always revert to food)... Sundees.. refrigerator..
Nah, doesn't work. It's gonna be the Rock vs. Big Show while UT does commentary. Good grief, must we endure?
By the way, we're very traumatized with the Big Show's high jiggle-factor. It's really out of control and he needs a jello mold or something to keep it together. Geez, no cool fruitiness neither, it's just grease, oil and fats. By the way, he needs to wear MORE clothes. Take the sail off a boat and wrap him up like a burrito please. I would be very grateful. I don't have money to give but we made brownies yesterday.
UT does commentary and says, '(Show) will systematically dismantle him..' You know, it's pretty pathetic when you have to start using Michael Cole's favorite words. Utterly pathetic, I say, tremendously pathetic. I would tremendously NEVER EVER take any tremendous commentary from any tremendously repetitive tremendous human being. I would try to make up my own tremendous words.
Oh, and another thing.......... tremendous.
UT states that Show doesn't realize he is 7 feet tall and 500 pounds. Mm, I'd have to argue with that. Everytime he gets into a car and the muffler drags on the ground or when he sleeps in a hotel room and his shins and feet are dangling off the foot of the bed AND the bed caves in, I think he knows. I think he'll also start to get a little suspicious when he finds himself eating a whole turkey for breakfast and a side of beef for a snack and for an occassional munchie? Gnawing on Gangrel.
UT continues (you know, UT should do more commentary, we're getting a lot of material), 'When he wants to, he will destroy and I mean destroy...' You're Foghorn Leghorn now? 'Destroy, Ah say, Ah say, destroy.' Oh, to continue, '.. the Rock is nothing but phoney tough and crazy brave.' (I thought he said, 'Phoney talk and crazy train... BC) Oh yeah, I think THAT makes more sense. All aboard.. HAHAHAHAHA .... Crazy.. well that's how it goes..
Crazy Brave?? That's one lunatic Indian, huh? I wonder how he performs a rain dance.
Rock eventually ends up hitting UT but Show chokeslams Rock through the announcer's table. That's a waste of a perfectly good announcer's table, you know.
Backstage, Cole is with Al Snow as he makes a plea to get Pepper back. However, there's noise in the background of a male and female moaning in ecstasy. It must be Meat.. all over Billy Butt. Al looks very disgusted.. and THAT you should be.
Bossman enters the ring, calls Al out. Bossy wants to do what's right and return Pepper to Al. Bossy claims to have a heart. He says, 'I know, I was a kid..' Hey Bossy, I can't imagine you EVER being small but.. go on... 'I had a dog... it got ran over by a dog..'
Well, think of it this way, at least it got run over by another dog. Imagine it's embarrassment if it was run over by.. a hoard of pussycats. Or three blind mice. Or it got knocked over by a breeze.
Anyways, Bossy said he'll return Al's dog on Thursday and there will be 'no tricks, no games..' Doesn't sound like a lot of fun to me. Any music? Dancing? Parchese? I can't imagine Bossy dancing. I'm sure the last time he attempted, many people were hurt.
It's X vs. Taka Michinoku (with Funaki). Taka gets the mic (must he?) and says, 'Master got 2 words for you.. Sucko It!' Is he saying he wants to stucco it?? (He also said, 'Bastard', not 'Master'... BC) Wow, you speak Japanese? (Si... BC)
Of course there is a chance that the wrestlers chose those tights. Oh well, they're wrestlers, not fashion experts, right? Who even knows if they're not color blind.
Oh, Taka loses by the way to the X-Factor. I'm really shocked. Not. Funaki then runs in and gets the same treatment, but I'm sure it was because he was sporting those panties and well.. it hurts X's eyes.
He may be cured of his mental disease as we witness Garea actually pushing him away! Meanie might be hollering, 'ME! ME! HUG ME!! Come on, you stupid Kiwi!' (Garea is from New Zealand, ya know) (thanks to our New Zealand fans for letting us know it's not a derogatory term..) (not that it would stop us.. right Cheeseheads??) (D'OH).
Edge and Christian (who is sporting a new mesh shirt) eventually get in the ring. They had to climb over the audience members, the hot dog vendor and they had to beat up the little granny who was holding onto Edge's leg telling him he should eat more.
Eventually Miscera and Videon (whoops) and Droz come in (but they're not officially supposed to be in the match). Okay, now Meanie and Stevie Richards run in and it's a mess now. Then Garea runs and this is the point where everyone should have scattered like roaches. Hell, Garea had his hugging arms polished and sharpened. He's ready, man.
Unfortunately for him, he didn't score this time.
Rock comes out. You know, dude, if you're coming out to wrestle, you really should put your wrestling panties on. Around your head, that is. Lawler says, 'He's hot, JR!' I didn't know Jerry swung that way.
Mankind comes out, says he would like to be Rock's partner. Okay. Done deal.
Meat with Terri Runnels. On the Titantron, a GTV segment is played. The footage is Meat behind the curtains kissing some blond chick. I told you all it was Billy Butt! Oh, actually it's Marianna so Terri is rather pissed and Chaz and Marianna run out and they all roll all over each other. End of story.
It's Jarrett with Mark Henry vs. D'lo and Billy Butt. Chyna does commentary.
Ha... hahaha.. heh... okay, this is hilarious. Mark Henry attempts to do that Diesel move where he bounces off the opposite rope and lands sitting on the back of D'lo, who is leaning on the second rope. Anyways, here's the step by step:
Chyna then hits Butt with the guitar that was really meant for Jarrett. Well, if there weren't so many blondes in the WWF, she wouldn't have had a problem.
Backstage, Testes is speaking with Patterson and Crisco. Testes wants the one of the two who has the best memory to hold the ring. Patterson says, 'You want both of us to be the bestmen?' Hey Pat, Best and Men are two separate words. I wouldn't do dat dink!
We missed you by the way.
Kenny Shamrock vs. Gangrel with the Hard Boys in tow. Of course the Hard ones interfere which prompts a Kenny to say, 'I'll kick those girls' asses!' He would then add, 'the blond one is cute though..'
After Kenny wins the match, Finkel comes out and tells him to look at the Titantron. Then he runs away. Of course it's Jericho on the big screen and he said stuff. Yeah.. stuff. There you go.. my reporting expertise. Who shall challenge me??
Flashback of the evening gown match between Ivory and Tori on Smackdown. Cole calls out Ivory for an interview and she calls Tori a 'slut'. Then she calls her a 'slutslutslutslutslut', which actually get bleeped. Okay so 'slut' in singular is alright but 'slutslutslutslutslut' is not acceptable for listening audiences? By the way, how many sluts is that?
Eventually Bearer comes in, and he and UT (I almost typed IT.. heh) go to the back, leaving Show to lose the tag belts.
Oh well. That belt is so transient, who knows where it'll end up next. Perhaps around Taka and Funaki's waists? But I'm sure they'd play hoola hoops with the belts considering they're so small. Well, better than nothing, huh?
Hoola hoop. Chokee Choke.